A rocky Tacoma start

Sometimes I feel as if my life is a sweater... comfortable, snug, fits me well... But then there is a snag in that sweater...and it starts to unravel. Not quickly at first ... but then somewhere between that first initial snag... there is this giant, unsightly hole in the underarm.

Well, that's how I feel right now. Things have not been the smoothest in my move to Tacoma... I decided to buy a townhouse after my relationship with Mr. Big (the unnamed boyfriend who kindly dumped me when the offer came in from the News Tribune) and I found this amazing place that is an area of town that is being redeveloped -- urban, close to downtown and lots of potential. The townhouse is huge -- 1754 sq. ft. with high ceilings, lots of windows, 3 bedrooms, 2.5 baths and my cook's kitchen. Plus I have a view of Mount Rainier and of the industrial part of the Theo Fossway (part of the Sound).

You can find the link at:
http://www.dwellingcompany.com/metro/metro_index.html

I am 2-9 and I got them to come way down on the price and got them to throw in my closing costs, and the fridge and washer/dryer. (Because the market is so down, they took it....) I'll post pictures when I can....

Well we were supposed to close on Oct. 26. And we have not.

I moved into the townhouse on a rent-back basis (no cost except for utilities) but have not officially closed on it since the developer forgot to file the final plat with the city. It was supposed to be a win-win sitaution (live rent free and show that someone is occupying one of the nine units since all the rest are vacant. One did have an offer on it but they backed out when they could also not close in October.)

And now, with the holidays coming, the closing keeps being pushed further back. (Last I heard was Dec. 17 but that is questionable since the holidays tend to interrupt city meetings).

I wouldn't be so nervous but there are a lot of developed new properties sitting vacant and some developers have started to convert to rentals just to salvage the developments. I am really worried about this happening to mine... and the developer is not helping things a bit.

They are slow to returns calls, have not installed my garage door opener and I have had a few minor house repairs already -- ok, one major one: there was a lower leak in the bathroom I discovered Tuesday morning and they had to rip out the pedestal sink, and i have several large holes in the drywall all the way up the 22' ceiling. I now need to wait for the wood to dry out and make sure they really got the leak before they patch and repair the walls and repaint. Thank god that is the cat's bathroom or I would be even more mad!

Both my mortgage broker and realtor are equally nervous for me -- and think I should back out of the house and cut my losses -- but i have already spent a good chunk of money installing a brinks alarm system, my new flat screen lcd tv and custom blinds -- which were so much since i have tons of windows and large ones to boot.

Plus you figure in all the costs to repack and move me again (and I am still paying some of my first moving costs as I went over the News Tribune budget with my storage costs which I didn't think to bargain for -- d'oh!) and well, my head is spinning.

So I am slowly freaking out.... And to top it all off, McClatchy's stock (the parent company of the paper I work for) has gone into the toilet -- and our bosses seem to bring it up as if to warn us for things to come. Since we are not union, I think I am safe -- but if they do lay people off it will be more work for the rest of us. (A night leader pointed out that I am relatively safe as the only full-time female on the staff -- we have two part time female reporters -- and he subtle mentioned that they need me as their lead designer.)

So all in all, kind of a shitty week. Work-wise, they praise my designs and let me know practically every day how much they love having me around. I do like working for the paper and i think I made a good career move - everyone has been really kind and helpful in offering any type of support for getting to know the paper and area.

But I feel as if the rest of my life is slowly falling apart. I pulled the house in Florida off the market and got an email from that realtor today saying most houses in the style and size of ours are going for $140,000 (it was valued just a year ago at $210,000 for chrissake....) So that will have to sit off the market for awhile but I do hope this market at least comes back a little so I have one less burden to carry.

I am a firm believer in you reap what you sow. And I would like to think I have been a good, kind person to almost all who have crossed my path. I may not be the quickest to get back to people when it comes to phone calls and emails -- but do know that I do think about all of you often -- and wonder if I should have stayed in Dallas.

As for Mr. Big, well, I am still nursing my bruises from that relationship: the promises, the secrets and ultimately, that he couldn't go through massive changes in his life to be with me -- that I was not worth so many things that this man had told me I was.

The whole premise originally to come out to the Seatac area was to be with someone who I thought loved and cared for me -- and wanted to start a new life together out here. The move out here had been in the works for awhile and it all started to unravel as I was giving my acceptance to take the job here in Tacoma.

I could have stayed in Dallas -- and let's be honest -- a small 1% of me hoped with all my heart that he would change his mind once I got out here. But he hasn't....and even though I am only 40 minutes away from him, I have not spoken to him in 60 days -- since the day I picked up my stuff from our apartment in downtown Seattle. (Yes, we had an apartment and things we bought together... and all I have as a reminder of that relationship are some pictures and money sitting in an account that I have not touched since he cut me that check.)

It has taken this bad breakup to finally wake me up to the realization that I need to be on my own for awhile and learn who I am before I can be a good partner to the next person. People at work (and yes, that's all I have had time for in the last 2 months between getting settled in here and the trip to Spain --- although I have had several offers to get to know others outside of work and am now taking people up on those offers) seem to think that I need to get back into the saddle and start dating again -- but frankly I'm too worn out from all that has happened between Mr. Big and I and I don't think I could really face any more rejection and disappointment in my life right now.

I have gone through ever stage of mourning of that relationship -- denial, anger, blame and sadness. Some nights are sad -- and lonely being away from all my friends -- I admit. But these past few months have shown me that I can do this on my own. That I really am a strong, independent woman who doesn't need a man to complete her. That I can stand on my own two feet for once -- I may stumble and curse and bruise myself along the way -- but in the end it is just me who can make me happy.

So enough of sad topics.... wish me luck and that this townhouse thing moves two steps forward and not one step back -- or I may be showing up on your doorstep with a trailer of household goods and two cats.